Eileen by Ottessa Moshfegh

This is like a confession of Eileen Dunlop, who was twenty-four years old when this all happened. She worked as a secretary at a private juvenile correctional facility for teenage boys. She was depicted as having an unhappy, sad life and harboring a deep disdain for almost everything around her.

Eileen's father was an alcoholic who often ridiculed her, and she never spoke up for herself. Instead, she preferred to sit and rage quietly. She struggled to make friends and often fantasized about her disappearance, a thought she never discussed with anyone.

Her prayer was answered when a new prison director of education, Rebecca Saint John, came into the picture. She seemed sweet, promising that Eileen's situation could improve. Eileen admired and yearned for her attention.

This week's entries express how desperate she is to escape from her dull and miserable life. The writing is engaging and creates a sense of suspense with strong and well-developed characters. However, I found the ending to be rather lacklustre. I spent much of my time trying to piece together the details to understand the bigger picture, but it felt drawn out, as though not much was really happening.

Kokoro by Natsume Soseki

I think I just found the right book by the right author! The story is divided into three parts. Part 1 is about the acquaintance between the narrator, a young man, and Sensei, a lonely man whom he admires deeply.

Part 2 focuses on the young man's relationship with his family, particularly as his father's illness has taken a turn for the worse.

Part 3 is the most heartbreaking section, featuring a confession from Sensei to the young man. In this letter, Sensei reveals his long pent-up inner pain about his past and moral darkness, beginning with the death of his parents and his uncle's betrayal. Following these traumatic events, he then met and lived in a boarding house with strangers, Okusan and her daughter. His path crossed again with his friend, known only as K, and his predicament. He suggested that K move in with him, but he soon became jealous of K's interest in their landlord's daughter. This continual strain was affecting his attitude and decisions afterward.

What I feel is that both men (Sensei and K) possess too much pride. I even grew tired of the characters. Given their youth, this behavior is quite understandable. The stories are dark and feature morally ambiguous characters. Set in the 1920s, this slow-paced narrative is deeply personal and hauntingly beautiful, exploring themes such as family, friendship, and the fragility of human behavior: depression, insecurities, guilt, and ego. I rate it 4.5 ⭐️

Kaedah Perancang Keluarga

Hari Isnin lepas aku telah mengambil keputusan untuk tukar kaedah family planning. Entah dah berapa tahun aku guna pil. Suntikan depo pun dah pernah guna. Jadinya sementara tunggu menopause sajalah aku nak try ni. IUCD.

Garisan putih tu alatnya. Aku tawakal je. Rasa menyesal pun tak guna. Mana² kaedah pun kalau Allah dah jadikan, maka jadilah ia. Kata doktor, lain orang lain penerimaannya. Macam aku masa nak masukkan alat ni memang azab. Rasa macam dah nak surrender tapi 3 orang attend aku masa tu. Takkan aku nak buangkan masa diaorang macam tu je. Lepas tu aku punya over-thinking aku terscroll tt. Bermacam² komen. Rata² mereka guna, pregnant. TF 

Moral of the story. Aku telan panadol, tidur. Lepas beberapa hari dah tak sakit. Dapatlah aku kongsikan pengalaman aku yang haru ni. Nak dijadikan cerita benang pun aku tak dapat rasa. Mungkin sebab period, dari pembacaan artikel.