Childre We Never Had by Nadia Khan

I don't remember the last time I finished a book in less than 24 hours. Oh, how I miss being young, stupid, irresponsible and binging girly dramas like there's no tomorrow. This story has exactly that vibe. Raw, bitchy and messy. 😅

Abby is hardly a poster girl and she's definitely far from the girl next door, yet she simply chooses not to be. Call her egocentric or self sabotaging if you want, but she's completely full of herself. Her business with Yazid was flourishing when they couldn't resist a one night stand, despite her swearing she wasn't looking for anything serious in the first place. Did I forget to mention that he's married? Haha. The author drops that bomb almost like a punchline.

It's open book 101. If you play with fire, then be prepared to face the consequences. Both of them paid the price. Abby's postpartum depression and years of repression are not easy to read through (I'm not kidding, though). She's considered lucky because she had her mother, sister, Rudy and Cikgu Khairul to help her cope with the misery. I did cry when she finally visited Adalia's grave.

I know, I know. Abby is no angelic heroine, but her flaws and selfishness are products of a harsh environment and that makes her character driven journey all the more compelling. Unpopular opinion, I love her. 😭 What makes unlikeable characters so fascinating is that they give a voice to the inner demons that exist inside all of us. Fr.

I must say this is one of the most valuable reading experiences I've had when it comes to antiheroes. Understanding why people become who they are teaches us important life lessons, even when the process is slow, painful and imperfect.

This story dives deeply into interpersonal relationships, domestic life, family dynamics, motherhood, maternal instinct and personal growth. 4.5 ⭐

Dia Dan Nya by Sutung Umat Rs

Saya sengaja mencabar minda dan emosi untuk membaca dan membedah novel ini walaupun saya tahu ia bukan genre kegemaran saya. Kalau saya tak baca blurb karya ini terlebih dahulu, memang akan ke laut dalam dibuatnya. Novel ini tidak bergerak dengan plot lazim yang biasa kita jumpa. Sebaliknya, ia lebih menumpukan kepada idea, permainan bahasa, visual dan cebisan emosi. Di dalamnya juga terselit perbualan dan garis masa yang seolah-olah diulang secara rawak.

Watak Dia dengan personaliti yang konsisten ini sebenarnya ialah watak yang dicipta penulis untuk novel terbarunya. Saya juga merasakan Dia sedang berdepan dengan semacam midlife crisis. Dia sering mempersoalkan dirinya sendiri tentang segala dosa dan kesilapan masa lalu. Ada kenangan yang indah dan ada juga yang menyakitkan. Yang menyakitkan itulah yang paling kerap bermain-main di benaknya.

Dalam diri Dia juga ada Nya. Entiti atau suara dalaman yang sentiasa menyedarkan dan mendorong Dia untuk berbuat kebaikan. Kata Nya, "Jangan menyeksa dan membunuh dirimu dengan masa lalu." Tetapi seperti manusia biasa, kadang-kadang Dia mendengar dan kadang-kadang tidak. Kisah lama tetap diulang dan kenangan lama tetap datang menjengah.

Begitulah secara ringkas hubungan dan dialog antara Dia dengan Nya. Perbualan mereka menyentuh pelbagai aspek kehidupan seperti kekuasaan Allah, perpaduan, agama dan politik. Ia diselang-seli dengan anekdot tentang pelbagai peristiwa yang berlaku di dalam dan luar negara. Selain refleksi diri, penulis turut menyelitkan kritikan terhadap penjajah, ahli politik yang membelenggu masyarakat, nilai moral yang semakin terhakis serta idea dan harapan untuk sastera tanah air.

Terus terang, ini bukan bacaan yang mudah untuk saya. Semasa saya mula-mula membaca karya penulis ini dulu, saya memberikan rating yang rendah sebab saya seorang mood reader. Namun selepas melewati usia yang lebih matang (ke?) saya mula merasakan setiap buku wajar diraikan jika kena dengan masanya. 

Philanthropists by Rozlan Mohd Noor

This is my second time reading an Inspector Mislan novel after The Soulless. Instead of going back and reading the author's earlier works that I spotted on Libby, I decided to skip ahead. Because why not, kan? 😂

The timing felt just right too. I was reading this while discussions about UNHCR refugees and illegal immigrants were making headlines around the country, which made some of the themes in the book feel even more relevant.

Inspector Mislan has just returned to the D9 Special Investigations Unit after spending eight months recovering from an attempted murder. Not long after his return, he and his team are assigned to investigate a double murder. Two men have been shot dead inside a house. Nothing appears to be missing, not even bundles of drugs found at the scene. Their first assumption is that it could be a drug deal gone wrong. The problem is that the deeper they dig, the harder it becomes to identify both the killer and the motive.

What I liked was how the author never rushes to connect this suspicious case to the previous one, despite the similarities in the MO being hard to ignore. Instead, he allows the investigation to unfold at its own pace, letting the clues emerge naturally.

Things become even more complicated because the story takes place during the Covid 19 pandemic. With the MCO being extended, an NGO suddenly comes under scrutiny after receiving a large donation from an unknown source. From there, more evidence begins to surface.

The story is packed with police procedural details and the realities of bureaucracy. It also touches on xenophobia, illegal immigration, drugs, PTSD, vigilantism, and the challenges of living through a pandemic. And the ending? Mind blown. Literally. 🫣

I wonder why the television adaptation of the Inspector Mislan series has yet to make it to our screens. Or is it still stuck somewhere in development?