Before I Go To Sleep by S. J. Watson

Before I Go To Sleep is one of those psychological thrillers that quietly crawls under your skin and refuses to leave. It is the kind of book you do not rush through, even when the pace feels slow and repetitive halfway in. In fact, that repetition is the point. I found myself trapped inside the mind of an unreliable narrator I desperately wanted to believe.

Christine Lucas is a middle aged woman who has lived with amnesia for over twenty years. Every morning, she wakes up believing she is young, only to realise that decades of her life are gone. She feels as if two versions of herself exist in the same body. While she is awake, she can retain information. Once she falls asleep, almost everything is erased. What remains are only fragments of her life before the accident.

Her husband Ben feels like a stranger, yet she is told every day that this is the man she has lived with for years. A neuropsychologist, Dr Nash, offers her a fragile sense of hope by encouraging her to document her memories in a journal. Each day, she secretly reads and rewrites it without Ben’s knowledge. The more she learns, the clearer it becomes that Ben does not want her to remember too much.

The journal becomes both her lifeline and her torment. It helps her piece together the truth while reminding her that everything will vanish again by morning. Still, she holds on to the hope of rebuilding a life worth living. When flashes of memory return like sudden visions, buried secrets begin to surface, leading to a revelation that shocked her and, honestly, shocked me too. 😅

Seperti Dendam, Rindu Harus Dibayar Tuntas by Eka Kurniawan

Saya tak tahu sama ada saya suka atau tidak dengan buku ini. Bukan sebab karyanya tidak bagus. Tapi mungkin salah saya sendiri tidak membaca sinopsis terlebih dahulu. Jujur saya katakan yang saya memilih buku ini atas faktor tajuknya. Saya merasakan ada beberapa elemen yang mirip dengan Cantik Itu Luka iaitu tentang dark humour dan antiheronya.

Suka saya mengingatkan yang buku ini dikategorikan untuk pembaca matang. Mengisahkan watak utama Ajo Kawir dan sahabatnya Si Tokek yang hari-hari mereka diisi dengan melakukan hal sia-sia seperti bergaduh dan hal-hal lagha yang lain seperti mengendap rumah seorang perempuan bernama Rona Merah. Rona Merah digelar perempuan gila oleh orang kampung. Sehinggalah peristiwa dia diperkosa oleh dua orang polis, Rona Merah ditemukan mati di halaman rumah. Peristiwa inilah yang menjadi titik mula trauma Ajo Kawir, menyebabkan dia mengalami masalah lemah tenaga batin. Tragedi di usia remaja itu menjadi inti emosi dan psikologi kepada keseluruhan cerita.,

Namun, di sebalik kekerasan dan kehancuran itu, Ajo Kawir tetap menemukan cinta dalam diri Iteung. Iteung mengetahui sepenuhnya masalah dalaman Ajo Kawir, tetapi memilih untuk menerima kekurangan lelaki itu tanpa syarat. Dalam masa yang sama, Ajo Kawir juga terjerumus lebih jauh ke dalam dunia gelap apabila dia diupah untuk membunuh seorang lelaki walaupun sedar akibatnya adalah penjara, dia tetap menyahut tawaran tersebut kerana upah yang lumayan.

Separuh kedua novel lebih banyak menumpukan kepada kehidupan Ajo Kawir sebagai orang dewasa, selepas keluar dari penjara, menjadi pemandu lori dan beberapa tahun meninggalkan anak isterinya serta pertemuan dengan perempuan misteri bernama Jelita. Semuanya dinaratifkan secara ringkas tapi padat dan tidak berlebihan. Saya suka bab itu.

Walaupun timelinenya kelihatan berserabut, ia masih kekal plot-driven dan mencerminkan kekacauan batin watak utamanya. Mungkin saya tidak sepenuhnya jatuh cinta dengan buku ini, tetapi saya tidak menafikan kekuatannya. Ia jujur, kasar, dan memaksa kita untuk bertahan hingga ke akhir cerita.

Body Count by Julie Mae Cohen

5 ⭐s. If I ever write a book, this is exactly what my debut should be. Fr. 😅

Seraphina 'Saffy' Huntley-Oliver is beautiful, intelligent, and sharp in ways that matter. She carries many fine qualities, yet her life is shaped by a childhood trauma that never truly lets her rest. She is also a serial killer. Not reckless, but deliberate. She kills with purpose. Her targets are bad men, especially those who harm women. For a very long time, she lives an almost perfect double life, normal enough to avoid suspicion while quietly nurturing her darkest instincts.

Despite everything, there are two people she loves fiercely and would fight for with her life. Her sister Susie and her new boyfriend Jonathan Desrosiers. Jon is a true crime podcaster and investigative journalist who meets Saffy at a low point in his life, when both his career and his personal life are falling apart. He has already come frighteningly close to death after crossing paths with not one but two serial killers. Coincidence or fate, the tension never lets up.

Things take a dangerous turn when Saffy is preparing for her next victim and realizes someone knows her secret. Someone is watching, bold enough to cross her line and worse, to involve Jon and Susie. From that moment on, every move becomes a risk, every choice loaded with consequences.

This is my first time reading Julie Cohen, and I am impressed. She has a sharp sense of humour and a confident writing style that keeps the story gripping and alive. For me, that is what makes a good story truly unforgettable. Very subtle, purely stylistic.

Selagi Pohon Lemon Tumbuh by Zoulfa Katouh

Selepas kebangkitan Arab Spring iaitu gelombang protes dan kebangkitan rakyat yang melanda banyak negara Arab sekitar 2010–2012, impian rakyat Syria hancur di bawah pemerintahan diktator. Novel ini membawa kita menyusuri luka itu melalui mata Salama Kassab, seorang pelajar farmasi yang belum sempat bergelar graduan tetapi terpaksa memikul tugas seorang doktor di hospital yang kekurangan tenaga dan infra akibat pengeboman dan peluru sesat.

Selepas ayah dan abangnya ditangkap tentera, satu-satunya keluarga yang tinggal hanyalah Layla, sahabat baik merangkap kakak iparnya. Layla berkali-kali mengajak Salama memulakan hidup baharu di negara lain, namun Salama berbelah bahagi antara cintanya kepada Syria dan tanggungjawab moral untuk terus membantu mangsa yang cedera. Part ni pembaca kena berhati-hati. Sedih weiii😭.

Sejak setahun lalu, muncul Khawf. Jelmaan ketakutan yang lahir selepas letupan bom meragut nyawa ibunya. Hanya Salama yang dapat melihat Khawf. Watak ini sinis, kejam, dan sentiasa mendesak Salama meninggalkan Syria. Saya suka watak Khawf. Ia bukan sekadar peneman, tetapi nadi yang memaksa Salama terus bernafas di bumi bergolak ini. Tidak adil untuk membandingkan kehidupan fiksyen Salama dengan penderitaan saudara kita di Gaza namun tema utama novel ini iaitu PTSD, jelas bahawa trauma tidak pernah mampu digambarkan sepenuhnya melalui rakaman media sosial. Ia mengerikan. Jika saya berada di tempat Salama, saya rasa tidak mampu bertahan.

Nasib Salama mungkin satu dalam sejuta kerana kehadiran Kenan. Keluarga mereka pernah berjanji untuk bertemu dan merapatkan hubungan, namun kekacauan perang menggagalkan segalanya. Takdir mempertemukan mereka dengan cara yang berbeza, perlahan, penuh empati, dan saling memahami. Hubungan ini menjadi cahaya kecil di tengah gelap yang menyesakkan.

Kredit saya berikan kepada penterjemah dan penerbit yang berjaya menyampaikan intipati novel popular ini dengan berkesan. 

Clown Town by Mick Herron

This book isn’t the easiest to dive into if you haven’t read the earlier Slough House series. I had to Google a few names and past operations just to stay on track. But once I got into it, the bigger picture became painfully clear. It felt uncomfortably real.

The premise is sharply satirical, and that’s what makes the characters feel so alive. Applause to the author. To simplify it, there are four key groups:

1. Slough House is basically the place MI5 sends agents who messed up badly, but not badly enough to be fired. Their careers are pretty much over, and they’re stuck doing paperwork and pointless tasks. It’s called the 'dark side of Narnia', and no one ever returns to the Park. Their head is the unforgettable Jackson Lamb.

2. Agents involved in the Pitchfork Operation. It’s basically MI5 playing a risky game. They push a target into making mistakes to uncover secrets, while using morally shady operatives and keeping it all ‘official.’

3. The Park (MI5 HQ) led by Diana Taverner, who is cunning, manipulative, and obsessed with MI5’s image.

4. Politicians who ride issues for personal gain, like Peter Judd.

The trouble starts when Diana gets blackmailed. Someone wants to drag an old case back into the light, and if the proof goes public, it could ruin reputations and shake the government. It turns out the government recruited, used, protected, paid off, and even pensioned off a psychopath, even though he might have ended more lives than he ever saved.

There’s a lot of MI5 politics, old cases, and hidden history packed into this book. It’s not a fast read, but it keeps the tension alive. And as usual, the innocent end up paying the price. Jackson Lamb does save the day, though, and the payoff feels well deserved.

Jobin by Pidi Baiq

Ini kisah yang berlatar sekitar tahun 2009 ketika Vera masih di bangku SMA. Pertemuannya dengan Jobin Alimusa terasa tidak disangka-sangka namun memberi kesan besar kepada keduanya. Vera digambarkan sebagai remaja ceria yang sentiasa dikelilingi rakan-rakan. Jobin pula merupakan vokalis band indie bernama Eidenberg yang menjadi idola di kalangan rakan Vera. Bermula daripada rasa ingin tahu hasil rekomendasi mereka, Vera akhirnya meminati Eidenberg dan secara perlahan tertarik dengan dunia Jobin.

Penulis menceritakan kisah cinta ini bersama humor yang bersahaja, dialog santai dan latar scene underground serta budaya indie Bandung yang hidup. Hubungan Vera dan Jobin berkembang secara natural tanpa paksaan. Mereka rapat namun perhubungan mereka tidak pernah benar-benar diberi label atau hala tuju yang jelas. Bagi saya, ketiadaan konflik besar menjadikan cerita ini terasa jujur dan sesuai dengan usia serta fasa kehidupan wataknya.

Endingnya tenang dan agak boleh dijangka, namun persoalannya bukan pada apa yang berlaku secara zahir. Sebaliknya ia terletak pada apa yang Vera cuba yakinkan kepada dirinya sendiri melalui coretan terakhir. Ada ruang tafsiran yang membuat saya berfikir, seolah-olah tersimpan sesuatu di sebalik kelancaran hubungan mereka. Sebuah kisah ringkas tentang remaja, memori dan perasaan yang tidak semuanya perlu dijelaskan. 

Warrior Princess Assassin by Brigid Kemmerer

I’m shocked. What did I just read 😂 Gentle reminder please read with care. Please.

This genre is not my usual forte, yet I dove in headfirst because the romance fantasy was simply irresistible. And wow, the enemies to lovers trope here is sugar sweet. I was fully invested until about halfway through the book. Then the story takes a turn that quietly breaks everything I was rooting for.

Why would the author choose that path for the characters? I refuse to explain why I changed my mind about giving this a full five stars. If you know, you know. 😂 This is the kind of book that makes you pause mid page and whisper, “no, don’t do this.”

The premise is solid. The tactical strategies are easy to follow, and the magic is genuinely mesmerizing. Truly one of the book’s strongest elements.

Astranza, Incendar, and Draegonis share one continent. King Theodore of Astranza, gifted with weather manipulating magic, is aging and ill, leaving his kingdom vulnerable. To secure peace, a political marriage is arranged between Princess Marjoriana and King Maddox Kyronan of Incendar, meant to be nothing more than formality. Yet fate intervenes, and Princess Jory and Prince Ky fall in love at first sight.

Everything falls apart when Asher, Princess Jory’s childhood friend and a Hunter Guild assassin, is hired to kill the royal couple. Refusing the job is not an option. Asher loves Jory and wants to flee with her, but Jory cannot abandon Prince Ky. With traitors lurking in both kingdoms, trust becomes a luxury they cannot afford.

Romance, betrayal, magic, physical abuse, and yes, an LGBTQ theme woven naturally into the story. Enter at your own emotional risk, especially if you get attached easily.

The Woman in Cabin 10 by Ruth Ware

Laura 'Lo' Blacklock is a travel journalist whose career feels stuck. When she’s offered an assignment aboard the Aurora, a boutique super luxury cruise liner sailing through the Norwegian fjords on its maiden voyage, she sees it as a chance to reset everything. What should be a dream trip, however, quickly turns unsettling.

Before boarding, Lo’s flat is burglarized. She’s exhausted, struggling with panic attacks, and dependent on antidepressants. Her fragile mental state follows her onto the ship, which is filled with high profile guests including journalists and influential figures such as Lord Richard Bullmer, the owner of the Aurora Borealis, and his wife Anne, who is battling cancer.

Lo is staying in cabin 9. One night, she is jolted awake by a disturbance coming from next door, cabin 10. She hears a violent splash and catches sight of what appears to be a body sinking beneath the black water. When security investigates, cabin ten is claimed to have always been empty. No passenger is missing, and no one remembers seeing the woman Lo recalls so vividly.

As doubt tightens around her, Lo’s grip on reality begins to feel increasingly fragile. Surrounded by disbelief and a lack of evidence, she finds herself isolated, clinging to what she knows she witnessed while the world onboard quietly insists it never happened.

The pacing is admittedly slow in the first half, but the atmosphere is tense and claustrophobic. The writing is sharp, and the ending genuinely made me smile. 4.5 ⭐ for a thriller that lingers quietly before it strikes.